I found myself thinking about an internet friend that blocked me. More so because she didn't block me fully, so I helped her by making sure I wasn't following her on other platforms. She was going through a tough case and it happened when I just didn't see her messages anymore. It's cool though. I get how us as people want an explanation until we are blue in the face, but this I could understand. Something was being shedded and I have found myself with the familiar feeling to have some people simply not have access to the process. You present yourself in one way and you get hit with the acquired knowledge that lets you know that whatever that held truth in an instant doesn't apply to your way of living anymore.

       When I hit a wall, time was spent on why instead of just how to bypass it. I want to win and see the fruits of my labor. Then reality hits that something acquires my attention to make some changes. This time around, I don't feel the need to rip out the weeds and start completely over, thankfully.  Even with music, switching gears is encouraged to do outside of the comfort zone; just to be advised to conform to a frame of what's in the rotator of recycled ideas.

   A few situations have left me living pretty raw for my liking lately. Nothing regarding an election or some kind of hope for an organization. Either or, I won't bore myself with life's scars.  Aside from that I've been locked in to studying more about contemporary artists.

     It's as clear as day who is willing to crash out and be a degenerate just to not face their feelings. Don't get me wrong, I get crashing out. Somehow the vitriol of one's feelings goes to the people who give them space to be themselves while they fake it with everyone else.  Again, on the people pleasing tip, where we are actively hurting the ones who want the best for us to mask it for people who don't care.

     The pain that comes from learning that your ways of living was taught as true to your detriment, is really the hurt of feeling that you should have known this already. I am an intelligent woman who has been dealt some dumbass circumstances. As I see myself as this, it only became more apparent that people will treat you how they feel about themselves. The blind leading the blind and hitting my head a few times too many; I had to be willing to take the uncharted path to learn about myself fully. I am aware we came into this world alone. We have individual experiences no matter how close you are to somebody in the same space and time. It takes a person with courage and not caring about how the message sounds to understand that they care enough to let you know you can get out of what doesn't serve you.

Welcome, welcome.